Selena Gomez said she cried after her wedding because she feared something bad would happen. She said when great things happen in her life, she often worries they could “all go away tomorrow.”
Everything is going great, and you’re waiting for it to all come crashing down, just waiting for the shoe to drop! It’s damning because it raises the question of whether you’re ever truly present, happy, or content.
Can you relate? We call this anticipatory anxiety. It’s when you fear, worry, or dread a future situation because something bad may happen. The problem with anticipatory anxiety is that you get so caught up in trying to prevent something bad from happening that you miss many wonderful and enjoyable moments in your life.
Expecting the worst when things are good is often caused by past negative experiences, such as trauma, betrayal, a childhood that lacked consistency, anxiety and stress, or learned patterns from the past. Your brain predicts the future based on past experiences to “keep you safe.” In these situations, your brain may have learned that safety is temporary and that peace is often followed by turmoil. Individuals with high anxiety are often hypervigilant, constantly on high alert and scanning for something to go wrong. Your nervous system may be stuck on high alert even when things are going great in your life. It’s exhausting!
Here are some ways you can work on managing the dark anxiety cloud that looms over your world when it’s clearly sunny out
Use your self-awareness: Congratulations if you’re aware good things can be triggering for you, now you can use this superpower to shift your thinking! Instead of saying to yourself “Something bad is going to happen”, shift your mindset and become an observer of your thoughts, “I notice I’m having a thought that something bad could happen.” We call this cognitive defusion, and it’s a great skill to practice once you are aware of your thoughts.
Practice mindfulness: Anticipatory anxiety is a thief of the present moment. Day, weeks, and even years go by and you ask yourself “where was I when that happened?” ---oh….you were in your head! This step takes a lot of intention and practice. Try to take in wherever you are through your senses. Become an observer of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations as they arise and pass.
Lean into the anxiety: The goal of managing anxiety is not to push it away but to lean into it. If you feel anxious at the thought of good things because bad might follow, it’s okay. Sit with the feeling without trying to change it. Take it with you through the positive experiences you have going on. Over time, it might not feel as bad.
Consider therapy: If anticipatory anxiety is causing daily distress, consider therapy to work on the steps above and so much more.
No matter how much you try to control or predict what will come next in your life, you can never say for certain until you live through it. Learning to sit in the good moments without expectations for the next is true power over the present. I can’t tell you what’s going to happen next in your life, we just don’t know and IT’S OKAY NOT TO KNOW! Uncertainty is every anxious person’s nightmare, until you learn to live with it! You have no choice anyway so you might as well just ride the highs!
