When you put everything into something, it can start to become your identity. It’s so easy to lose yourself in what you do. So many people fuse their identity or value as a person to the sum of their success and failure associated with work, sports performance, or school performance. Over 65% of people worldwide believe that being successful or being recognized for their achievements is important to them, indicating a high prevalence of performance-based identity.
While a performance-based identity can offer high motivation, clear goal setting and a sense of security during success, it risks anxiety, burnout, and emotional devastation when performance dips or roles change. It overall creates instability in one’s self-worth, which is a rollercoaster of emotions to deal with. It’s exhausting to be the sum of every high and low in your life. Here are some ways to create balance with your identity.
Core Values: Values act as a guide throughout your life, and they stabilize your self-worth regardless of an outcome. Values keep the focus on who you are rather than what you do. Take some time to think about what you value.
Engage in different hobbies: Engage in different hobbies that are focused on enjoyment rather than achievement.
Change the words you use to describe yourself: Think of ways to describe yourself that don’t include your job title, school performance, or sport performance. Focus on your interests, passions, and character traits instead. This is great to think about before introducing yourself to new people.
Self-Care: Engage in self-care to lower stress. Get sleep, exercise, and all the things that create a nice break from what you do!
Create some mental space: Make sure you’re taking a mental break from thinking about work, school performance, and sports. Everyone needs the space to develop other areas of life and rest!
Social Life: Develop friendships outside of work, school, or your sport so you are not fully dependent on one area.
Rethink Failure: This one is hard but sometimes acknowledging it can take away some of the sting. Think about failure as something that can help you grow but also remember it’s not personal. You are not a loser if you fail a test, lose a game, or mess up at work. You are just human like everyone else and will experience low from time to time.
If your self-worth is currently tied to your performance outcome, counseling is a great way to work on redefining yourself. Let’s go, you got this!
Eric Dane said shortly before his death from ALS, "I still love my work... My work doesn't define me, but it excites me. Find something... that excites you. Line your path, your purpose, your dream. Then go for it".
