Have you ever met someone who couldn’t take responsibility for their actions and then tried to turn the situation around and blame you? I certainly have and remember when the person walked away saying to myself “what the **** just happened.” Can you relate?
We’ve all met these people and if you didn’t know already, these people have a name---let me introduce you to the BLAME-SHIFTER! Yes, the blame-shifter. Blame-shifting is a way to avoid taking ownership of one’s actions, can be a defense mechanism to protect self-esteem, deflect criticism, avoid accountability, and potentially manipulate others. The scariest part is that sometimes these individuals don’t even know they are doing it. Research on blame-shifting indicates that it can be extremely difficult and sometimes impossible to convince these individuals to accept responsibility for their actions. Not a good look and not your responsibility to argue with a blame-shifter.
Being blamed by someone repeatedly can take a toll on your self-worth and in some instances make you question reality, this is why it’s important to identify the pattern of behavior. Once you are aware of what is going on the easier it is to take the blame off yourself and see what it exposes about the person. Low self-esteem and insecurity, fear of failure/responsibility, lack of emotional maturity, lack of accountability, manipulative tendencies, narcissistic traits, difficulty managing “negative” emotions, cognitive distortions, and/or learned behavior to name a few. It’s okay to be empathetic to the internal experience the blame shifter is having but you don’t have to accept or take the blame for their unhealthy behavior.
If you have a persistent blame-shifter in your life who is taking a toll on your mental health, you may want to consider getting some support. Counseling can help you recognize the patterns of behavior, learn to set firm boundaries with these individuals, practice redirecting the conversation from blame to solutions, and help build/rebuild self-worth. Blame-shifters often exploit the vulnerabilities and insecurities of others to avoid accountability, so if you have low self-esteem already, it feeds the cycle. At A Little Counseling, we would love to help you develop the skills to handle the blame-shifter. Give us a call and we can sit down and say “what the **** just happened together?!?!”
