Uncertainty is one of the hardest things to tolerate. As I reported in a previous blog, most people would rather know the outcome of a situation is going to be bad than to sit in the suspense of not knowing for sure. The intolerance of uncertainty often drives reassurance seeking. Reassurance seeking is the tendency to repeatedly ask others for confirmation or affirmation. We all need and seek out reassurance from others from time to time and this is okay. But for some people with anxiety or OCD they may repeatedly seek out reassurance as temporary relief to the discomfort of not knowing something for certain. This behavior can be compulsive in nature with the aim of neutralizing anxiety provoking thoughts. Unfortunately, the relief from reassurance is short term and keeps people wanting more and more of it. It’s essentially a quick fix. In the treatment of OCD and anxiety, we are going for the long-term gains over the short term. Just because it’s easier said than done, nobody said it can’t be done! Here are some tips to beat sneaky reassurance seeking.
Identify why you want to stop seeking constant reassurance: Why would you want to work on something if you don’t have reasons why your life would be better without the behavior. Write it down and keep it with you—you may need a reminder!
Recognize the urge: Self-awareness equals power. When you are aware of your reassurance seeking behaviors, you can work on fighting the urge of the short-term gains or relief. It takes a conscious decision to stop seeking reassurance. It’s an intentional decision to sit with the discomfort of not knowing, which we established above is one of the hardest things to do. BUT YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS!
Take the urge with you while doing the things you value: If you can feel sad and still go to work, feel anxious but still go to school, then you can take the discomfort of not knowing and continue to do the things you value. You are not engaging in things you enjoy to cope away the feelings of discomfort, you are taking the feeling of discomfort with you and engaging in things you enjoy. There is a big difference here.
Use your self-talk: Your self-talk is a powerful tool to not engage with the surge of “what if” thoughts. “I can sit in the discomfort of not knowing.” “Whatever happens, happens.” “There goes my anxiety trying to control my day.”
Reassurance seeking is highly addictive because it provides immediate relief from anxiety, but don’t be fooled because this relief is temporary and just leaves you wanting more and more. If you find yourself in the cycle of constantly seeking the reassurance of others, not only are you sneaky 😉 but I’m guessing it’s not serving you. The good news is that you can break this cycle and learn to live in a world where you may or may not know the outcome. At A Little Counseling and A Little OCD Treatment Center, we love working with reassurance seekers and know how to help break the cycle. If you’re motivated to break the cycle and ready to do hard things, can you make a change? Yes, I CAN assure you of that-but no more.😊
