“Why in a world full of ideas to discover, develop, and discuss, do people spend the majority of their time talking about themselves? Research suggests a simple explanation: because it feels good.” (Scientific American). That’s right, people love to talk about themselves! Scientists at Harvard found that talking about yourself activates pleasure centers in the brain-very similar to eating a decadent piece of chocolate! It’s also been found that you can make people like you by getting them to talk about themselves. So, if talking about yourself is so pleasurable then why do so many people try to avoid self-disclosure?

One answer to this is simple to me, it’s anxiety. Sure, there are many reasons one can feel anxious about self-disclosure, but I’ve found the fear of looking like a bragger is a big reason for being tight lipped. I get it, nobody likes to listen to a person brag about themselves-besides the person bragging! But there is a very big difference between bragging and sharing. Sharing tells other people about ourselves, so they can see our uniqueness and bragging is when you excessively boast about your pride and accomplishments in an arrogant manner. Both give off the “feel good” sensation discussed above, so why not learn how to share without bragging?!

Here are some tips:

1. ALC Psychoeducation 101: Personal and professional relationships can’t grow without sharing about yourself. Self-disclosure is completely healthy and elevating.

2. Practice self-disclosure, including your success: Write a list of your accomplishments and things you are proud of and say them out loud using “I” statements. For example, “I worked hard at coaching a soccer team and they had a great season.” When you are comfortable with your success, it’s less awkward to communicate. Practice, practice, practice.

3. Think about what you want to share: Ask yourself, what can the other person gain from learning this about me?

4. When self-disclosing an accomplishment, emphasize the effort. People appreciate honesty about the hard work that goes into being successful.

5. Don’t compare yourself to other people. This can come off as bragging. Or in other cases highlight low self-esteem.

6. Be aware of your tone: Your tone of voice communicates so much more than the actual words. Be genuinely yourself.

7. Keep the big picture in mind: Self-disclosure can help you connect with people and keep a conversation going. When you share something about yourself, it provides the other people in the conversation an opportunity to open up about themselves as well.

The key to overcoming your anxiety with self-disclosure is to eliminate the belief that self-disclosure equals bragging—because it doesn’t and to practice getting comfortable talking about yourself. Just like most things outside your comfort zone, it’s going to be uncomfortable and may even feel awkward until it becomes “pleasurable” to you and that’s okay. You got this!

And on another note, who knew that talking about yourself equals the same sensation as eating chocolate?! 😉 You’re welcome with that one!